Contents

  1. Ten Questions for Lisa Thomas
  2. God of Metal and Thunder
  3. Merry Christmas, Joo-Joo By Mark Slade
  4. A Maladjusted Christmas Cartoon from Thomas M. Malafarina
  5. Blacktop Magic by Lothar Tuppan Chapter 3
  6. Ten Questions For Jackie Ayers
  7. Happy Holidays Issue 012 Pt1
  8. Black Pete: A Christmas Tale by Chauncey Haworth
  9. Janitor Joe: Janitor Joe’s New Assistant
  10. Happy Holidays Issue 012 Pt2
  11. Befana
  12. Issue 012 Letters and more
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Lisa Thomas

Ten Questions for Lisa Thomas

Proud mother of three, Lisa is a self-employed content writer. While she loves her day job, she always dreamt of writing a book she would be proud to put her name on. She had two childhood dreams, to become an author and to write a song that made people happy, but both felt like pipe-dreams. Life changed when her daughter decided she had some big dreams of her own.

This prompted Lisa to realize that the only way her kids would try to make their dreams come true is by Lisa trying to do the same.

What was the first thing you remember reading?

Roald Dahl! I remember reading under my covers with a torch after lights out.

When did you start making films and art?

I have been writing since I was a child and won my first poetry competition when I was approx. 11 years old. However, I have never particularly been confident so as I grew older, I wrote less and kept whatever I did write private. In 2012, while on maternity leave, I answered some adverts for content writers and quickly established a returning customer base. Rather than return to work, I decided to leave my full-time job.

I therefore become self-employed and established my own writing company providing content writing services. Nine years later and I still thoroughly enjoy my job, however, content writing isn’t the same as creative writing, it doesn’t give me the freedom to express myself and it can’t provide me with the same level of satisfaction. So, in 2020 I decided to “pull up my big girl pants,” be brave and finally pursue my dream of writing a story I was proud enough to put my name on.

I have always enjoyed writing and had always wanted to write a story people from around the world could enjoy. As I mentioned, I have always lacked confidence so I never tried to make this goal a reality. Alongside this, I am quite musical, my secondary goal as a child was to write a song that made people happy. My daughter also enjoys music and told me she wanted to become a singer. She asked me if this was something I would do as she believes I have a beautiful singing voice, I said I wasn’t brave enough. She decided she wasn’t brave enough to pursue her dreams either. That’s when I realised my lack of confidence was rubbing off on my children, preventing them from attempting to achieve their dreams. So, I decided to lead by example and this was what prompted me to actually publish my story, rather than keep it too myself like every other piece of writing.

Is it hard to get noticed these days?

It is as there is so much competition, there are a lot of great authors with amazing story ideas. Therefore, I have tried to make myself and my book stand out from the crowd.

As I mentioned I am musically inclined. I had years of piano, drums and singing lessons, I have since brought myself a guitar and am now teaching myself to play.

My ‘music videos’ can be seen on my YouTube channel (link above). I intend to write a song. I will never be a great musician, but I am getting back to something I love and that in itself is amazing.

What artist/writer/filmmaker inspires you the most?

There are lots of authors that I love to read, although I can’t say I have one favourite, it really depends on my mood (I am terrible as the desert island game). I tend to have favourite books, rather than favourite authors. For example, I love Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings and JK Rowling’s Harry Potter series, and I really enjoy reading Dan Brown, his novels fascinate and educate me. The authors I enjoy reading are the ones who can create a story and/or a new world that I can completely get lost in. Stories that are interesting, have depth and have characters that I can relate to, or despise.

JK Rowling’s personal story motivates me greatly, she’s faced hardships in which she could have given up, but didn’t. I hope to have this level of resilience.

What piece of art are you proudest of?

My debut novel Unprecedented Times. It is the first of a trilogy (I am currently writing book two). I have self- published Unprecedented Times on my website and on Amazon, available in both eBook and paperback formats. This is a COVID-fiction story and through book sales I am raising money for the COVID-19 Solidarity Response Fund.

In this sci-fi, dystopian story we follow my version of the COVID pandemic, across two different timelines and through the eyes of four very different characters. Clara, a wannabe scientist working as a secretary at the WHO. Rosa, Clara’s twin sister, NHS nurse and new mother. Dr Vicente, the kind-hearted director-general at the WHO. And Ben, Rosa’s fiancé and a fun-loving police officer. As the virus takes a very different turn to reality, threatening humanity itself, we find out how far we are willing to go in Unprecedented Times.

This is a fact-meets-fiction novel that includes real statistics and data from the virus, which are all referenced. The idea for this book came to me in January, just after the virus had been discovered in China, but before it had hit most other areas of the world, months before it became a pandemic. I began researching it almost immediately and started writing in March 2020. The book was later released in October, the same year.

Do you think your environment, where you live, has an effect on type of art you cre- ate?

I think where I live and my own personal background has had a massive impact on the things I write. As I’ve mentioned I see the world as a beautiful place, but there’s so much heartache. I’ve grown up in a poor background, I’ve watched my parents struggle to find the money to buy bread and milk from the shop, meanwhile I’ve seen other people around me able to go on two holidays per day and always have the latest cars and tech. Because of this I appreciate the things that are important, family and friends, love and the memories we make, rather than materialistic possessions. I have also seen a lot of discrimination because of the environment I have grown up in, I’ve witnessed racism and I personally have been told I can’t do things because I am a girl, in fact I was told I couldn’t play drums because it was a boys instrument. This has given me a sense of equality, it has made me want to see and treat people equally, because I hated not being treated equally. My background has given me love and acceptance, it has made me want to help others who find themselves in desperate situations and all of this is reflected in my writing.

Is it easier for you to create if given an assignment or does it get in the way of your creativity?

I am a content writer by day, so the majority of what I write is for a purpose, it is essentially an assignment. Sometimes I find this easier, I research the subject, find information and facts and use that to compile the assignment. Whereas with my creative writing,

I don’t have this sense of direction, that comes from me and sometimes it can be harder to start a creative writing task. However, I have to be in the mood to write assignments and if I am not, I find it difficult to concentrate, the words don’t flow as easy. Creative writing is the opposite, I’m almost always happy to disappear into a world of my own creation.

Where do you think the world of litera- ture/popular culture will be like in ten years?

I don’t think the world of literature will be all that unchanged. Even with the technological advances, reading books is something people still consider to be a hobby, even if they read from their Kindle instead of the actual book. However, I do think the industry will continue to become harder to get recognized within as more people seem to be trying their hand at becoming a writer. My hope is that even in 100 years’ time, everyone (especially children) will still love to get lost in a good story.

What was the oddest thing you’ve ever been asked to do in your writing career? a specific assignment/books for a publisher?

I was once asked to write a screenplay for a porn movie, that was quite… interesting. I was given some freedom in the narrative and plot, I was simply given a start point and an end point and told to “fill in the blanks.” This was a massive job which took weeks to complete, and a job I have never (and will never) share with anyone other than the client who ordered the work. It was not my finest moment, but it was different, it was fun to do and it was great to have that creative freedom in my content writing role.

What projects are you working on now?

At the moment my focus is three-fold. Firstly, I am continuing to try to market my first book and increase books sales so that I am able to reach my fundraising target. Secondly, I am working on the second book in this trilogy, the painstaking research is all complete so I am finally at the stage of starting to write it up.

Thirdly, I want to enjoy my music again, cover a couple of songs but mainly write my own song, to achieve my secondary childhood dream. This is the hardest goal for me to achieve as I know nothing about songwriting, so I will need to learn as I go and I am sure I will make plenty of mistakes along the way. But the dream is one day I will write a song that is unique, original, and that people can relate too on an emotional level.

Links

Lisa Thomas Unprecedented Times
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God of Metal and Thunder Interview with Jon Mikl Thor 2

God of Metal and Thunder

An Interview with Jon Mikl Thor

By Lucy Hall

The hammer and microphone-wielding God of metal and thunder, Thor, is celebrating an amazing fifty-year career. Along with his ability to make great music, having a larger-than-life persona has been the key components in Thor’s popularity and longevity. It was in the early 70s’ when he decided to develop his band concept of combining muscle, myth, and music. Thor has released the long-awaited 39th studio album. Fans can only expect the very best from the Metal Avenger and that is exactly what we get with the album “Alliance.” The album features that same signature sound of powerful anthem rock, cheeky catchy muscle rock, and epic power metal that is always delivered by Thor. The impressive group of guest performers is Raven’s John Gallagher, Soilwork’s Björn Strid, Danko Jones, Anthrax’s Neil Turbin, A Sound of Thunder’s Nina Osegueda, Lords of the Trident’s Fang Von Wrathenstein, Prism’s Al Harlow, Joecephus & The George Jonestown Massacre’s Joey Killingsworth, Thundermaker’s Martin Gummesson, Roadrash’s Joey Roads and Sheldon Byer, W.A.S.P’s Chris Holmes, Manowar’s Ross “The Boss” Friedman, Death Dealer’s Sean Peck, Striker’s Dan Cleary, Haunt’s Trevor William Church, Warrior Soul’s Dennis Post, The Streetwalkin’ Cheetahs’ Frank Meyer and The imps and former Thor guitarist Frank Soda. The band Thor is Jon-Mikl Thor on vocals, John Leibel lead guitar, Matt Hamilton rhythm guitar, Ted Jedlicki bass, and Tom Croxton drums. This massive album features seventeen tracks.

Twisted Pulp: What did you want to accomplish going into this record? How did you approach it? Did you initially intend on making an album of collaborations? When did the idea for a collaborative album first arise?

Jon Mikl Thor: I wanted an album that could be part of a bookend to a career, which has spanned fifty years.

Going back to the early years, the album, was more of a milestone record so many albums, and years later this album was my idea of a sort of final record or bookend record. I do not know where we are going from here and if we are going to keep on or not. I do still have a lot of plans and ideas but I wanted to go out in a blaze of glory. This album came about because when I was on tour to promote my album, Rising in early 2020 we were in the United States and we hit Los Angles then all of a sudden this word pandemic around March 12th came about. While in L.A. we played The Whiskey and then we hit Las Vegas on March 14th by that time it was time to send the band home from the tour so, due to the pandemic the remaining tour was canceled. We were unable to go to Arizona as we had planned.

I came back to Canada and so at that point, I was thinking what do I do next and that is the moment it occurred to me that since I was unable to promote

Rising we need to come up with a new album. I did not know what would be happening with the pandemic or what would occur in the future but I planned to reach out to all my great musician friends and see if they would assist me in making this album. I wanted to make a top-notch, cream of the crop so to speak album to top off my career.

Twisted Pulp: How was the songwriting handled?

Jon Mikl Thor: I did most of the songwriting but everyone came to the table in our core band, Kevin Stuart, John Leibel together to write songs. The idea was for a concept album and I like concept albums. I have done them many times in the past. To be able to put together an alliance or Justice League of metal that would unite to say some things that mean a lot.

Twisted Pulp: The title, Alliance appears to reference or hint at a collaborative project is that deliberate?

Alternatively, did you have that title in mind beforehand? You are Thor the Ultimate Avenger, you are a comic book fan and you came up with the Alliance is that kind of like Marvel’s individual superheroes coming together to assemble The

Avengers? Did you assemble this Alliance in the same manner?

Jon Mikl Thor: Actually, you could say it is very similar to Superman or Batman assembling the Justice League. It is definitely a legion of superheroes. I am really into comics. As a kid, I watched George Reeves as Superman on television and I remember purchasing the very first Justice League of America comic. I remember the feeling I had at that time and it made me think that during this challenging time with the pandemic that the world needs to come together. I know I am being grandiose but those were my thoughts that people really needed to come together for one common cause and move forward in life. Not like War of the Worlds you know, when nobody knew what was going to happen and things were getting crazy. So, I wanted to ease my mind and the way I was feeling at the time by putting together an alliance of musicians who I thought were the best in the world that would join my quest. I reached out to them; they took my call and came forth. The reality is that the timing was appropriate for this type of album because had it been another time, for example, Ross the Boss, Chris Holmes, or John Gallagher may have been unavailable due to touring and not have had the time to participate in the album. Because we were all on lockdown and everyone was at home they wanted to do a project. I was fortunate that they came forth and did it with me so maybe at another time, it would not happen like this.

Twisted Pulp: How did you think longtime fans would react to the album? Has the reaction been what you thought it would be?

Jon Mikl Thor: The reaction has been astounding! We put out three videos; the first two videos featured Ross the Boss and Chris Holmes. The second video featured Lou Ferrigno who is an old friend of mine. We competed against each other as teens in Mr. America and Mr. Universe. To have him in the video was amazing. Our next video will feature former Anthrax singer, Neil Tubin who is a tremendous talent that has so much to give. He has a big future ahead of him.

The videos have been well received and we have had great reviews from Belgium, Germany, and Britain. A recent review out of Greece gave it a nine out of ten ratings. One journalist said, “What can you say about titanium.” So, I would say our fans are just loving the record.

Twisted Pulp: What of the new material has gone over the best, and has gotten the biggest reaction?

Jon Mikl Thor: As far as songs go, it is interesting because there is such a various catalog. I mean obviously, various artists influenced me all through my life such as The Doors, Bowie, and Led Zeppelin so there is a lot of heavy riffs. But also, the album is very melodic and everyone says concerning the choruses that they are very melodic. Songs such as “Ultimate Alliance” and “We Need Musclerock” are going over very well. Spotify is getting a ton of streams on “We Need Musclerock.” Also, “Because We’re Strong” is really hitting the mark. We are selling a lot of records right now. It has been our best ever for Cleopatra Records and I think it is one of the best records I have done in my career and that is a lot of records, thirty- nine albums.

cleopatra-records

Twisted Pulp: How did it feel being back together again with Frank Soda?

Jon Mikl Thor: I think Frank Soda is one of the greatest guitarists in the world and definitely the best from Canada. He just has so much to give and he played very well on the album. He is just very tasteful and he reminds me of Mick Ronson from Bowie’s Spiders from Mars. We did a surprise concert recently and I said Frank let’s go into Zeppelin’s “The Immigrant Song”. When he played the guitar, he played just like Jimmy Page. I mean this guy is amazing.

Twisted Pulp: On this album, you covered every decade of hard rock with guest performers ranging from classic groups Raven, Anthrax, W.A.S.P., ‘90s groups and brought us into the 2000s with modern bands such as Death Dealer and Haunt. Such an impressive guest list but why so many diverse talents, who span so many decades? Did you have a wish list and go down checking them off. Do you feel that the diversity of hard rock musicians gave the album a unique sound?

Jon Mikl Thor: Absolutely, when we did the album Metal Avenger back in 2015 I really felt that we had quite a diverse group of people on that album. A lot of punk artists, as well as metal artists, were featured on this one. As well as some of my very favorite artists in the world. I was so fortunate when I reached out to them that they said yes and that it was the right time and right place for it to occur. I’ll call it a dropbox type of album because you know we are here in Canada and can’t cross the border or anything. Yet we were able to lay down the tracks here. While other artists such as John Gallagher were able to sing over in England and Chris Holmes was able to play his parts in France and Ross the Boss in New York recorded. Modern technology really helped out on this album.

Twisted Pulp: It is always exciting when musicians get together but Alliance is different because it has a cast of rock heroes led by the Metal God himself. Makes you feel like you are sitting right there with you all. It is definitely an album that you do not get sick of listening to. Like you are listening to great music again and there just is not a lot of that today. Are we witnessing a change in the making?

Jon Mikl Thor: I want to say that I think that metal never dies. Mainstream music consists of popular rap and pop but metal continues to live on regardless and I think it’s just getting stronger. There are quite a few young fans out there who are just really getting into metal but we also have the older generation that obviously will always love metal. We are getting a positive response from both the young generation and the long-time metal fans.

Twisted Pulp: What can you tell us about the making of the epic new video for the single, “The Ultimate Alliance”?

Jon Mikl Thor: That’s a great tune and it’s one I wrote with John Leibel. He came up with a concept of the ultimate alliance coming together and then I put my ideas on that as well. Since it is an alliance we were talking about I thought it was perfect to have a member of W.A.S.P., and Manowar with all that theatrical stuff we were into back in the 80s’. We have some great artists on it and I think it is very epic. I do feel very strongly about each and every video for the album but I think there is something special on “The Ultimate Alliance”. But then again, we have the very melodic anthem “Because We’re Strong” featuring Lou Ferrigno, although he does not sing on the album he is a visual icon and it also featured Ed Asner who recently passed away. I think it is really kicking some ass too. We are getting a lot of kudos for the recent video, which features pieces of Pact of Vengeance. We are currently working on an elaborate animation rock video, which should be ready soon. Since we are unable to tour then we are trying to do more videos.

Twisted Pulp: Can we talk about any of the individual songs as far as any inspiration or interesting stories about recording them? “We Need Muscle rock” comes to mind, was that a nod to your beginnings as the creator of Muscle Rock?

Jon Mikl Thor: Yeah, well I have albums that go back to that theme of muscle rock dating back to Thor and the Imps. I have muscle rock-themed various albums I did back in the early 70s’. At that time, I was involved with Peter Jacob over in Sweden. We put together the first Muscle Rock Festival that was back in 2009 and it became a huge success. Raven also played with us at the 2015 festival in Sweden. I really liked Raven and thought it would be really cool to have John Gallagher sing on the album. Of course, he is very athletic. We also played with Raven back in 1985 in L.A. It was the Raven and Thor concert at a place in L.A. I always thought they were fantastic, so it was an honor for me to have them in the song.

Twisted Pulp: You are the Godfather of Power Metal and clearly an influence on many bands in that subgenre of metal including Manowar. How did Ross “The Boss” Friedman become involved with the album? Does he admit to being a fan or was there mutual admiration for each other’s work?

Jon Mikl Thor: I think there is mutual admiration for each other’s work. I reached out to him and he is also a good friend of John Leibel, so we talked to him about doing this and he thought it was a great idea.

I also played with Ross the Boss in 2001 at CBGBs. John Holmstrom from PUNK Magazine was having a special event for all the bands he helped break. He had helped Thor break and he put us performing with numerous bands including The Dictators. We played at CBGBs before it closed and Ross the Boss was there and we talked.

Twisted Pulp: Did you personally choose Raven’s John Gallagher for the opening track “We Need Muscle rock” because he was known for “athletic rock” and his ability like your own to create great anthems? Did you handpick any of your guest performers?

Jon Mikl Thor: Yeah, we handpicked them and still had to ask if they wanted to do it. Of course, they each had to hear the demo and tracks. We would ask, for example, Ross the Boss or Chris would you like to be on the album and they would say let’s hear the song, what are we playing? Then we would have to send demos out. We did that with all the artists so we had particular songs I wanted them to play on but then I had to still set up the demos. That is where Ted from our band helped out a lot. He got the demos sent to the artist along with Kevin Stewart.

Twisted Pulp: Did you pick John Gallagher because he created Athletic Rock and you both write anthems?

Jon Mikl Thor: Yeah, I think it comes back to when we played together at the Muscle Rock Festival. We played right where we had lived I think in 2001 or 2019. I played a lot in Sweden and Finland. I was very impressed with Raven and their anthems. Also, I thought it was a good combo of his voice and mine and I thought it worked well together.

Twisted Pulp: This latest release marks Thor’s 39th studio album. Your later musical endeavors grew to be much heavier than your early work. What do you credit to that evolution of sound?

Jon Mikl Thor: I would say that over the years because I am a musician and creative person that I have tried different genres of music. Like, “Keep the Dogs Away” for example I think was more power-pop and was not a metal album. It has like a punk power-pop sound to it. “Only the Strong” is definitely an all-out metal album and strong power metal album. “Unchained” is a strong EP then you got Recruits Wild in the Streets, which was a very mainstream metal album in a similar style as Poison and other bands at that time. Following that album, our music started changing again. In 2000 or 2001, we came out with Dogs 2 and many people compared it to Nine Inch Nails meets Thor, it was more Nu-metal. I have tried all types of music. I have done psychedelic metal and psychedelic rock, pop- metal, and power metal throughout all the albums. I tried different sounds throughout my career and some were well received and some hated by the critics. I could do a song like “Mushroom World” which was on Beastwomen from the Center of the Earth, which is very psychedelic, or there is a “Strange Lantern” which is a heavy type song, which is from Tales from the Equinox. So, there are a lot of albums and a lot of different music but I do think we have gotten a lot heavier over the years. Especially with Beyond the Pain Barrier and some of the other albums like Hammer of Justice. However, I always keep that anthem course so people can sing along at stadiums, clubs, and arenas.

We can sing along together like Vikings unite!

Twisted Pulp: Why do you think you have been so fascinated by fantasy-based subject matter over the years and written so many songs about it?

Jon Mikl Thor: It goes back to that young guy in the 50s’ who wore the Superman costume under his regular clothes and the kid who went to school and changed into superman at recess. You know that is as fantasy as it gets! The young kid who watched Hopalong Cassidy, Roy Rogers, and Steve Reeves as Hercules. Fantasy has been all throughout my life. I have always kind of led in this heroic aspect or concept. I think that drove me in my regular life as well as my professional life. It is not like I would go to the bank and take my hammer in there and say, where is my money today? You cannot play the Thor concept all the time. You cannot be Thor all the time just as Jim Morrison should not have been Jim Morrison all the time. You have to understand that you have a private life and your professional life. What I am saying is to be positive in your life, feel strong and try to do great things. You need to say what you do and do what you say.

Twisted Pulp: Because you focus on fantasy, comics, and mythology, when you are writing does the music or words come first? Does it begin with an image or theme in mind?

Jon Mikl Thor: You just never know. I could be driving down the road and suddenly I will see a sign or start seeing something like cut the grass or corn for sale or whatever and that is all I need for a song to start out. But of course, with the lyrics, you will get the melody going and the other lyrics will come in and then the song starts forming. Or, one of the musicians like Kevin Stuart starts playing a riff or some chord structures and I will put my melody over it and you never know where it comes from. It can come at any time. Sometimes I have to shut it off actually. I will have a melody start coming in my head and I have to say look, I do not want to keep hearing it right now. I just shut it off!

Twisted Pulp: Along with the new record, you also have a new film, Pact of Vengeance. What can you tell us about that project?

Jon Mikl Thor: I have shot all my scenes in Vancouver. The filming is on location in Vancouver, Los Angles, and Pennsylvania. The film has a lot of hot cars, shooter-up scenes, and martial arts along the lines of Bruce Lee. In fact, Leo Fong who used to be in Bruce Lee movies is actually in this movie. It is a really exciting movie, it has tremendous metal music, and it’s going to be a very exciting movie for anyone who wants to get some thrills.

Twisted Pulp: Thor is prevalent in today’s media with the Marvel movies interpretation of Thor but there are other variations of the character such as American Gods and other outlets but how do you think your version of Thor stands the test of time compared to the others?

Jon Mikl Thor: The thing is we co-exist. You cannot really trademark or copyright something that is mythology. There are many Hercules movies, animations, and references to the character. It is a similar type of thing with Thor. That is unless you put a tag on there and trademark it as Marvel has done with The Mighty Thor. I have the trademark Thor the Metal Avenger or Thor the Rock Warrior both are trademarked. Concerning acting, I am a trademark personality known as Jon Mikl Thor. So, my Thor is geared toward a musical entity so to speak. I put out some comics also but that is a different story about the character Thor and a different costume whereas Marvel is more of a superhero and expands on Asgard and all that stuff. Whereas my Thor character, I can go anywhere. I have had stories where Thor is an Atlantean king and all this kind of stuff. I have fit that into albums. All kinds of different stories like in the album Triumph there is a whole concept there. So, a long story short is we coexist with each other. At one time Stan Lee even asked me to be in a Thor movie that he did. We were always friendly and this goes back to 1978 when Stan asked me to be in his movie. However, it never came to fruition because of Technology at that time could not withstand his ideas that he planned for it. Later on, they were able to create that vision in a film.

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Twisted Pulp: What is next for you? What plans does Thor have to play live?

Jon Mikl Thor: As soon as the border opens. We just did a new contract with Atomic Music Group for touring. We were trying to get the restrictions for next year however, the borders are still closed to the United States and we cannot get in. There was a Canadian band that tried to come in recently for a tour called Unleash the Archers and they got stopped at the borders. So at this time, they are not allowing bands to come into the United States. So we are talking about next year 2022. If I am still not allowed to come in to cross the border then we will just keep making videos. It is quite possible that Neil Turbin ex Anthrax singer will be the lead singer of Thor for a certain number of shows. I think he is a great talent who has an incredible voice and great stage presence. He is willing to make his hair blonde and wield the hammer. I think he is a humble guy and we will see what happens that is of course if we can cross the border and if we are still having pandemic issues concerning travel restrictions.

Catch Jon Mikl Thor in the feature-length action movie “Pact Of Vengeance,” which will feature music from the new album. You can purchase the album from Cleopatra Records or Thor official sites.

Thor official site: http://thorcentral.net/cleopatra records official site: http://cleorecs.com/

God of Metal and Thunder Interview with Jon Mikl Thor 3
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Merry Christmas, Joo-Joo By Mark Slade

Merry Christmas, Joo-Joo

By Mark Slade

“I need presents,” Vance said through dried, chapped lips.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Brian shivered, clutched the flannel blanket close to his neck.

The apartment was cold, at least ten degrees, Vance was sure of it. He and Brian hadn’t the money to pay the electric bill, with Brian being the only one to hold down a crappy job at Burger Hut. The apartment

was a simple one bedroom, the bedroom belonging to Brian, because he found the apartment and his Father had paid the deposit. Vance sat on his bed, a green sofa with springs coming through, often poking him in his ice-cold ass. He had three shirts on, two pairs of dungarees, and his True Blue Mountain climbing coat with fur inside the lining. The Oakland Raiders toboggan on his head still didn’t keep his ears warm, which irritated Vance to no end. It wasn’t like Vance

didn’t want to get a job. He just hadn’t found anything he liked yet. His parents were tired of floating him money and friends had dwindled to just one, Brian, who was always broke.

“We can’t keep breaking into people’s houses and stealing their stuff. Anyway,” Brian sighed. “We never get very much money at Ted’s Pawn shop when we sell things to him. Cheap crook.”

“No, man,” Vance fumbled in his coat pocket for cigarettes, only to find his lighter. “It’s Christmas, right?”

“Yeah. So what?”

“We wait for the mailman, or UPS or Fed ex, or whoever and watch to see if no one gets the package.” Vance smiled and nodded like he’d just laid out the plans to Fort Knox and steal gold.

“That’s just… low, dude. I mean, steal Christmas packages from people. You are a sick man.” Brian rose from the dirtiest, dingiest Ez chair this side of the Milky Way. So many stains on a cream colored

furniture and cigarette burns, the cream color was now a rust brown. ” I’m making some coffee.”

“I’m a desperate man. I need presents for mom, Janice, and Helen.”

Brian looked at Vance. He blinked twice. “Helen Spotter doesn’t even know you exist.”

“She will after the cool present I give her.” Vance rose from the couch, danced in a crouching position,

and then sat down again. That was something he did when he was excited, which was often. Vance’s mom admitted to Brian that a quack doctor convinced her that Vance needed Ritalin to calm down her six-year-old son. After six more years of this medicine, that her child did not actually need, she noticed a breakdown of a mental attention span, sporadic illusions, and an inability to stay focused on one subject after more than ten minutes of conversation. She said she had never told a soul, but felt she had to confide in Brian.

“Sit down, you fool! We are not stealing from the neighbors, okay? It’s wrong, especially at Christmas. Only jerks do that crap.” Brian went into the kitchen, turned on Luke-warm water from the faucet and dropped four spoonfuls of instant coffee in a cup. “Furthermore,”

He reentered the living room and sat in his EZ chair, sipping the coffee. “Helen Spotter will never know who you are, because you are not friends with anyone she knows.”

“Oh… my friend,” Vance said. “You are wrong. Tommy Longdale has a girlfriend who is friends with Helen.”

“I’m trying to dissuade you as gently, carefully as possible, Vance,” Brian told him. “They go to Sparrow University. You are an unemployed loser. What makes you think Tommy Longdale will set you up with his girlfriend’s friend?”

“I once gave him some E at a party,” Vance responded after a long pause.

“Oh yeah. Now that is the kind of logic that could fix this country’s problems.” Brian said.

“I think so, too, man.”

“You don’t even have any money to take her out,” Brian slurped his barely warm coffee and made a face.

“No! No, I don’t. But you do.” Vance raised an eyebrow. Brian snarled at him. He hated it when Vance did his

Jack Nicholson impersonation.

“That’s a lame Jack impersonation, butthole.”

“You know it’s not…” He continued, now going back and forth between early Nicholson and later Nicholson. “I want you to hold it between your knees. What are you, on your period?”

“He didn’t say that in THE DEPARTED. Ray Winston said it.”

“No, Jack said it.” Vance insisted.

“You are a twerp. Half the time you don’t remember what you were talking about ten minutes before.”

“I do too! God, you can be so… so… whatever!”

“Okay, what were we talking about?” Brian prodded Vance. He knew the answer, he just wanted to have some fun with him. He liked making him feel small.

“We were talking about Jack Nicholson. There! Whoosh!” Vance threw an imaginary basketball through a goal, net and all.

“No.” Brian laughed. “I thought we were talking about stealing from the neighbors again.”

Vance looked lost for a few seconds. Then he remembered. He smiled as it came to him. “Yeah, man. We could wait for the mailman, or… or Fed Ex…”

“I’m not doing that.” Brian said.

“You have to. In three days, it will be Christmas. And you get paid next Wednesday. Your mom will be disappointed.”

Brian made a face again. “You are a turd.” He said. “You use my mom all the time.”

“It’s because you know I’m right. She thinks you are the sweetest boy she ever knew. She says it all the time.”

“Shut up.” Brian was stewing, getting angrier at Vance just looking at him.

“Hey,” Vance rose from his couch and looked out of the window, keeping the curtain partly open. “There’s Fed Ex delivering to Mrs. Hoppa.”

“No, we can’t take from an old woman. She bakes cookies for us and brings us her leftovers, Vance.”

“Yeah,” Vance put a hand on his stomach. “That island food gave me the screamers. It’s too freakin’ spicy.”

“What do you expect, dummy. She is from Haiti.” Brian snorted.

“I’m going to snag that box before her daughter brings her back.” Vance headed to the front door.

“You jerk. You’ve been scoping her all morning.” “Be back. Wish me luck.”

“I hope she catches you!” Brian yelled to him as Vance slammed the front door.

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Brian jumped up from his Ez chair and ran to the window. He pulled the curtain a bit to the left to view Vance’s theft.

Vance crept up Mrs. Hoppa’s slither of a driveway to her apartment door, past a small bush that was turning a sick yellow. He looked around, smiling like an imbecile.

He bent down, looked at the small box. There was writing on a tag that even if Vance could read past third grade level, he wouldn’t be able to understand it. He just shrugged, then snatched the box and jogged as fast as he could back to the front door of their, quickly opened the door. He took one step and his left foot clipped the molding in front of the door. Giggling,

Vance fell hard on his face. The box slipped out of his hands and slid across the living room floor like a hockey puck.

Vance laughed hard, rolled over on his back. He kicked the front door shut with both of his feet. “That was too freakin’ funny!” Vance yelled.

Brian stood over Vance, his hands on his hips. He was giving Vance that “wife” look, his head tilted to the left, a disappointed expression his face.

“What?” Vance was confused.

“Don’t ‘what’ me.” Brian spat at Vance. “I told you not to steal from that poor woman.”

“So,” Vance’s bottom lip drooped, hurt he was being told off. “I’m a free man. I can do whatever I want!”

“One day,” Brian wagged a finger at him. “You’ll get caught and I will not be there to bail you out!”

“Don’t… You… hey! You know, you helped last two times. All that weed you stole from Mr. Dillinger. That was a poor old man who has cancer, douche bag!”

Nothing more was said for about fifteen minutes. Both were at their own places, sulking, sitting on the sofa and the Ez chair.

Finally, in a spur of the moment, Vance hopped from the sofa and retrieved the box. He sat back on the sofa, began opening the thin layer of tape on the box. He placed a hand inside the box. When he pulled his hand out of the box, a yellow beaded necklace was caught in his grimy fingernails.

“Yeah!” Vance said, excitedly. He squatted and did his little dance. “That’s what I’m talking about! Look at this, Bri.”

Brian laughed. He shook his head. “Yeah, man, that’s nice.”

“You know what it is?”

“No,” Brian scrunched up his nose. “A necklace?”

“Not just a necklace,” Vance whispered like it was secret. “A Joo-Joo necklace.”

“I don’t know… what a Joo-Joo is, Vance.” Brian was tired mentally. Vance always did that to him.

“Man, it means good luck! And I heard on the History channel you can use it to make people do what you want. You’re own slave, dude.”

“You really believe that?” Of course, he does, why even ask, Brian thought. “So… you want Helen Spotter to be your own personal slave?”

“Damn right.” Vance said. “I might even get laid.” “Go for it, dude,” Brian said, smiling.

Vance felt his coat pocket vibrating. He took out his phone, looked at a text message. “Hey… things going

right for me finally. That was Tommy Longdale. I got a date with Helen Spotter. Of course, Tommy and his girl will be there. So, what, huh?”

“Way to go, Vance. I’m happy for you.” Brian rose from the Ez chair and patted Vance on the shoulder.

“I’m gonna get some and have a slave. Merry, Christmas, Joo-Joo!”

There was a loud rapping at the front door. Night had fallen and it was even colder inside the apartment.

Brian was groggy. He turned in his chair, yawned. He didn’t want to get up.

But somebody was relentless with their knocking and the noise was hurting his head. Brian clumsily got to his feet. He slowly ambled to the door. He bet it was Vance. He probably forgot his key.

Brian opened the door and saw a short old, black woman in a handmade dress and a multicolored scarf on her head. It was Mrs. Hoppa.

“Where is it?” She spoke in harsh island dialect. “Where’s what?” Brian said, trying to wake up.

“My package!” Mrs. Hoppa lowered her eyebrows. Her nostrils were flaring, cold air snorted through them. “You are a thief. The pair of you. I treat you like my own sons. That package was from my own son, still in Port-au-Prince. I may never see him.” She fought back tears, held a handkerchief to her nose, and looked away from Brian.

Brian cleared his voice. “We didn’t take that package.” He said.

“You didn’t?” Mrs. Hoppa looked at Brian suspiciously.

“No. We saw Mr. Dillinger around your door. He was even talking to the Fed-Ex guy. I’m not sure, he… might have took it.”

“Pity be him,” Mrs. Hoppa said. “That necklace… bad… if worn, you become the slave of whoever give you that necklace.”

“Oh… yeah?” Brian was nervous. He began tapping his foot without knowing it.

“Oh yes. To pay for the deeds you master, or mistress wishes you to do, you have to make a human sacrifice. Eat the flesh of the innocent.” With those words, Mrs. Hoppa lunged at Brian.

Brian jumped back. “We don’t have it!” He screamed, slammed the door in Mrs. Hoppa’s face.

Brian paced the living room. No, he told himself. That crap is not. It can’t be. There was another round of knocking at the front door.

Brian hesitated. He touched the doorknob, then withdrew. “We don’t have your package.” He yelled at the door.

“Brian,” A muffled voice could be heard. “It’s me. I forgot my key. Open the door, will you?”

It was Vance.

Brian was so happy to hear that it was Vance at the door, he swung the door open violently.

Vance was standing there, smiling like an imbecile. He was covered in blood; his clothes were torn. Still, Vance was on top of the world.

“Dude,” he said. “What an evening!”

“What the hell happened to you?” Brian threw his arms up in the air, shocked.

“Nothing, really. Just wild time. You gonna let me in?” Vance tried go through the threshold, Brian blocked him with an arm.

“You kill somebody?”

Vance shook his head. “No. God. Things got a little weird. I gave Helen that necklace. I told her I wanted to make out. We did, she went nuts and ate Tommy Longdale and his girlfriend… about ten more people in the restaurant.” Vance said non-nonchalantly.

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It was too much to take in. Brian leaned against the door. He rubbed his face a few times with his hand. “Vance?”

“Yeah, Bri?”

“Where is Helen Spotter?” “Right here, buddy!”

Helen appeared from behind Vance, her dress ripped in many places, her olive skin drenched in blood. She had deep dark circles under her eyes, and pieces of flesh at the corner of her mouth. She was looking straight at Brian, looking very ravenous.

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Jackie Ayers Interview

Ten Questions For Jackie Ayers

Jackie is a mom, actress, singer, dancer, and voice actress for NaRaDa Radio Company.

What inspired you to be an actress and singer?

My inspiration came from my grandma, who had a love for music and film. Our favorites to watch were all the Julie Andrews movies as well as anything with John Wayne. Over the years I grew to love acting more through school productions and reading classes where they suggested we read with character voices.

Were you always a fan of audio dramas, old time radio plays?

Growing up I liked them since we listened to a few when we would visit my grandparents house, but it wasn’t until Junior High when we read a script from one about a lighthouse keeper. From that moment on I was hooked.

Would you move to those creative avenues? direct stage shows? create plays/audio?

Back in 2016 I actually directed my first stage show, Treasure Island!! I was supposed to only be the AD, but the original Director backed out due to scheduling conflicts. I was bumped up a mere 3 hours before final auditions. Thankfully my best friend was my stage manager, so that day went by smoothly. The show was wonderful and we have a perfect cast!! We have an awards night for our shows and I won best Director that year!!! 10/10 would direct again.

Do you think your environment, where you live, has an effect on type of art you pro- duce?

Honestly, I live in an environment where I can basically do whatever art I want to. You could say I have a free soul.

Which category of your art comes natural?

Voices and singing comes naturally. I sing daily and randomly too. You can say a phrase and it will remind me of a song… then I will HAVE to at least sing that phrase. Voices are fun especially when my daughter and I use different accents and voices daily.

Is it easier for you to create if given an assignment or does it get in the way of your creativity?

If I am given an assignment, then I know the intended outcome. It is easier for me stress wise to have a goal. For example, I was part of a short film a few years ago that did NOT have a script. I got to the location and the guy was like, “ok this is the scenario.” I was stressed for a few minutes since I had never met this guy before and didn’t know his style. I was quickly able to pull out my ad-libbing and get the shots we needed.

What long term goals do you have?

I have always wanted to be a voice actress… singer would be a plus, but being a character is my all-time favorite thing. I definitely want to voice act more.

What is piece of art are you most proud of?

Being Frenchy in Grease!! I had so many complements during that run on my voice and how I sounded JUST like her.

What was the oddest thing you’ve ever been asked to create? (voiceover, costume, or writing).

I honestly have not made anything odd yet… everything is great in my mind.

What projects are working on now?

I have several projects in the works… reading short stories and being a hostess for a series. As well as a regular in my local radio company.

🔗

Befana

Befana is a traditional character in Italian folklore associated with the celebration of Epiphany, which takes place on January 6th. The name “Befana” is believed to be derived from the Italian word “epifania.” The character is often depicted as an old woman, sometimes portrayed as a witch, who visits children on the night of January 5th, leaving small gifts and sweets for the good children and coal or dark candy for the naughty ones.

According to the legend, Befana was an old woman who, while sweeping her house, was visited by the three Wise Men (Magi) on their way to find the baby Jesus. They asked her for directions, and she declined their invitation to join them. Later, she had a change of heart and set out to find the baby, but she was unable to locate him. As a result, every year on the night of Epiphany, she travels on her broomstick, leaving gifts for children in the hope that one of them might be the baby Jesus.

Befana is a beloved figure in Italian culture, and the Epiphany is celebrated with various customs and traditions across the country. In some regions, there are parades, festivals, and special events to mark the occasion. Children often hang stockings or put out shoes for Befana to fill with treats, and families come together to share in the festivities.

The Befana comes by night

With her shoes all tattered and torn

She comes dressed in the Roman way

Long live the Befana!

Here comes, here comes the Befana

She comes from the mountains in the deep of the night

Look how tired she is! All wrapped up In snow and frost and the north wind!

Here comes, here comes the Befana!